To The Person Who Is Upset With Me

To the person who is upset with me now,

For things that I said these few days that hurt you badly, I am sorry.

I may have used the wrong words, or wrong approach when I am trying to show my care and concern for you. But in my heart, I just want to be honest and open with you.

I may have misunderstood you. I may have not tried enough to understand what you have been through. But I know for sure, life has been hard for you lately. You have been miserable, drained, stressed, lost and tired. I believe you have tried everything you can. You probably have so much anger that why despite after you putting in so much effort, things still don't work out. You probably have cried so many times. You needed support, you needed the power to live on. If consoling and comforting words could get the results that you want to see, I would do it a hundred times, a thousand times. But things will not change even if I can make you feel better. What I believe is to achieve results that you want.

I am not a preacher, a counselor or a psychiatrist. I just care enough that I want to give you the power to move on. I believe with my honesty and openness, you can feel that I really care and I really want to see miracle happen to you. I know you can achieve this, cos in my eyes, you are a powerful and loving person. You have so much power in you that you don't even know you have it. I want to bring this hidden power out from you, so that you can create miracle to your family and achieve the results you want to have. You win, I win. You loose, I loose. These are not consoling words. These are just the things I believe I can make it happen and you can too.

For whatever I have done, its my love, care and concern for you. I may not be the person that can give you much consolations and comfort. But I will be the person to give you the power that you need to achieve what you want. This will only be possible when you are committed to doing it yourself.

I Set Myself Free

I had just finished my Asiaworks Advanced Course. For the past 5 days, it was really a roller coaster journey for me. However, it was also very revealing of who I really was in the past. I had not noticed them myself, neither could my loved ones who I faced everyday. It was really amazing that in this training, even those who had not spoken to me could see through me. If words were not communicated between us, it must be the energy that I radiate out. You can't hide that energy. If you are real, the energy is real, if you are fake, the energy is fake, if you are in silence, you still have the energy.

Till now I could not exactly tell what is the course about. There is also no right solutions about how to handle specific problems. But I do know what are the things that are possible for me, and whether I have really gone 100% doing it.

In the past, I had hold on certain things badly, which I myself wasn't even aware of it. To put in the right frame, I probably chose to ignore it. But even with me ignoring those things, it had subconciously been put on my shoulders. I thought everything was going smoothly for me, and I could handle it very well, just that sometimes I have my ups and downs. But now I realise, no matter how well I handle the problems, I wasn't in the right set of mind.

After I went through this training, I feel that I could really set myself free. I may not be able to solve certain problems still, I may not have any right solutions, but I know I have the right set of mind to face them and to handle them. Not that I am giving myself with good excuses of not being able to get things done. But I know what results I want to create, what are the obstacles that I set for myself which I have to overcome and whether I have put in 100% effort in my actions. I have been pushing lots of responsibilities and blame away to some other people, like most people do, in order to make myself feel better. But by doing this, I was also being irresponsible.

In the training, I see many types of people, the powerful ones, the weak ones, the vulnerable ones, the resisting ones, the righteous ones, the bitter ones, the lost ones and the violent ones. But we do have a common problem - dealing with own feelings and dealing with relationships, especially with the people who are important to them. All these naturally shows up in the training, no matter how hard they tried to hide. I also see lots of transformations in them after the training. Not that they have changed, but they finally bring out the power that is inside them, be it love, passion, confidence, authenticity, etc, from the support of other people around them. I was very touched to see each and everyone of them, including myself, grow.

These are what we have just brought it to the surface of our lives. Whether we are able to continue to hold these inner power, its really up to individual. Some of them had used it to create many successes in their lives - in relationships, careers, in their own passion, etc. But some just return back to their own original position.

What is going to happen next, I don't know. But for now, I am committed to living my life with love, passion and confidence. I want to bring these across my family and those who are close to me, as well as to the well being of others. Sound sacred? But at least, I believe I can do it.

I Quit

Finally, I quit the part-time job.

Before I started on this part-time job, I couldn't fully convince myself of being a full time stay-at-home tai tai, especially when my house doesn't need me to do cleaning, when my family doesn't need me to prepare their meals, so I thought I should must well contribute to the family financially. Taking up this part-time job was a trial for myself and for my family.

Now, I am fully convinced that I should stay at home... still don't have to do cleaning & prepare all the meals. I have found my true purpose of staying at home.

Recently I saw a documentary on the TV, about the right brain training programme. I have heard about this term long ago, but have never really been interested to find out more about the details. But from the programme, I came to realise how this type of training could benefit the children's learning ability. Its is a brain stimulation programme which helps the children to absorb things faster, increase their memory power and focus, develops their IQ & EQ, widen their creativity, imagination and increase confidence, through a series of activities and regular mental exercise. This form of training could in fact start as early as from birth, up to the age of 6. My sons are aready reaching 3 & 4. But still its better to start now than not doing it at all.

I have always been very lost about how to create an interesting learning envioronment for my children. I couldn't come out with good ideas on creating fun games and acitivites for them. I ended up buying lots of activity books for them, which Asher will choose to do on the pages he likes and Aron just interested in pasting stickers, and scribbling on the books. I was so worried about pulling down their potential of development. Yes, I had been thinking about sending them to art classes, music classes, drama classes & phonics classes, but at the same time, I am concern about overloading them and the financial burden, when I am not even sure what is their true interest.

When I came across this programme, I realise that the most important thing now is to increase their learning interest and ability, create an opportunity for them to be eager to learn (in just anything). Only when this is developed, then they will be able to find out what is their real interest (be it music, art, sports, etc), and they will be automatically asked to go for these courses. They will also pick things up faster.

After doing some research with a few schools, I decided to put Asher into the course right away, no more delay (so I gave up on the school which wants me to wait for another half a year for the next intake). Asher has very strong memory power, and good focus. He also enjoys problem solving. I am so eager to make sure his potential is being developed from this very moment. Not that I am expecting him to become genius, but I don't want to waste anymore time, before the best time to start is over.

However, to see effective results, I also learn that we cannot just count on the school. Lots of training needs to be done at home as well. While I see that Asher is enjoying the lessons, I am also keen to learn the training technics & methods from the teacher.

While I was working in the office, half the time I couldn't concentrate on my work. I kept thinking about the activities I could conduct with the kids, and secretly did some research on the internet, as and when nobody was watching. After a while, my guilt conscious sank in, cos I knew my heart was not on the job. Well, in the first place, the job nature was already not my cup of tea - telemarketing. I felt as if I was working like an insurance agent. So, now that I found out my true purpose of staying at home, I must well don't waste anymore time.

From now on, I primary focus will be attending the trainings with my kids, pick up the skills from the teachers, do research, source and make my own materials and have fun with them every evening. They shall have fun and learn at the same time. This is my ideal way of educating them, as well as creating a positive bonding with them.

My secondary focus is to make use of my new mini oven - start with some REAL simple recipes. Yes, MUST be idiot proof recipes.

Switching from Tai Tai to Part Time Worker

After being Tai Tai for 3 years, I am finally moving out of the house to work on part-time. Its like a bird in the cage being freed. However, a bird that is kept in the cage too long, do have the fear of coping with the outside world for the first day. I felt old, slow and rusty.

This job is on flexi-hour basis, as long as I clock in 100 hours a month. At first, I thought it wouldn't really take up too much time. However, as I started planning for my July working schedule, I realise, my whole entire month is very packed. First, all Fridays are taken up, due to my yoga classes and Asher's new enrichment programme which I have just signed up for him - the brain stimulation programme. Then I have committed myself to the Asiaworks Advanced Course for 5 full days + 2 evenings. After taking into all these considerations, I have to work as much as 7-8 hours a day for the remaining available days. So I left with no time to do research for my online business as well as to start working on some simple recipes with my new mini oven.

Feel like giving up the job already...

Well, its really a time for me to test out if I can work full time while my family can cope without me around.

Give myself another 2 more weeks, we shall see...

Mother's Love

I was about to leave home today for a temporary assignment which I have taken up 2 days ago, while I received a sms. It was a mother (my relative) who said her daughter had left home. My immediate thought: this mother's heart must be in great pain, she needed my support. Without second thought, I was at her place within half hour.

Through the conversation, I know the mother still love her daughter very much, cos she cried every time whenever I asked her if she wanted her daughter back. The answers were: yes and of course.

But things just were not working out between them, due to lack of honesty, trust and difference in moral standards. Maybe, the mother and daughter didn't know how to handle each other and their relationship. Yes, this is a life learning process, they have to put in their effort to learn it together. I also have a lot to learn for building a better relationship with my children.

Since the daughter was born, she has been her mother's pride. The mother had always seen her as a bright little pretty girl who has the potential to achieve great success. She would imagine that this little girl will grow up, have good and bright career, marry a nice man and have a happy family. This is every mother's wish and all mother's greatest happiness. It doesn't matter how much the mother would suffer, as long as they see the children having great life. Even her child achieve nothing, she will not love her less. In the mother's eyes, her child will always be a child, no matter at what age. She will always want to protect the child till she leaves the world. After experiencing close relationships with friends, boyfriends, husband and children, I realise my love for my children is the most powerful one. I think this happen to all mothers. How great is a mother's love.

I could imagine how painful it is to see her child turn her back and walk away. If my children ever do that, I think my heart will bleed to death.

To the mother and the family: its a rough time for you now, but my two cents worth of advice is: this is not a time to blame each other for what has happened (it is always easier to push the blame to others than to put the faults on own self for what has gone wrong), rather, it is a time where everyone do your best to bring the whole family back together and do not let it fall apart. While patiently wait for the return of the daughter, remember to continue to love each other (show it, the right way).

To the daughter: leaving home will not solve the problem, it is just a way to avoid and to worsen the relationship, not just with the mother, but with the rest of the family. If you still love the family, and don't want the family to fall apart, be brave to return home, for the door of your home is always open for you. If everybody has a common goal: to bring the family back, you will naturally find a way to work things out, by having an honest and open conversation and coming out with mutual agreements. If you want to show that you can be independent, you can still show it when you are at home, with the support from your family, of course.

I have been through teenage. At that point of time, I thought how come I have such a "shitty family", I also had thought of leaving home. Now, in my 30s, as a wife and mother, I am thankful for the kind of family that I have, which shape me into who I am today. I no longer remember a single thing which my mum hurt me when I was young, I have long forgotten all my hatred for her too. I just wanted to treasure the rest of my time with her, for she has little time left. I do not want to have any regrets of not treating her well enough.

Maybe we should start asking ourselves these questions: What kind of family do you want to create. What actions do you need to take to create this result. Can you put in your 100% effort to the actions. Have you take this as your own responsibility.

A mother's love - the most powerful love that I ever experience.