Stay Focus to Love

Yesterday, I had a very enjoyable tea time with my friend, Michelle. She told me she had hugged her brother on his birthday. At first, she was worried about taking this action, cos this wasn't the "normal" practice in her family. But she told herself, she shouldn't wait for other people to show their love before she starts showing hers. She wouldn't care how her brother would react, she just wanted to let her brother know that she loves him. So she took the brave act. She felt really good after that. I was fascinated and inspired.

I had stretched myself by telling my mum a few times I love her. I am sure she got my message by now. So last night, to take a step further, I planned to kiss her good night. It really wasn't easy to take this action, as I find it very awkward. But I had made this declaration to my friend earlier, so I told myself I must do it.

I used a very cunning method, in fact. Before Aron went to bed, I told him to go and say goodnight to Po Po and give her a kiss. I said, "Mummy will also do the same." Aron went straight in to Po Po's room and did everything I told him to do. then he turned to me and said: "Mummy's turn". With lots of excitement, I went up to kiss my mum. Aron smiled. My mum? She was laughing so happily.

Thanks to my friends out there, who give me the support that I need to take this action. I felt really good.

Ever since my mum moved in to stay with me, we had conflicts so often, that I started to talk lesser to her and even avoided her. We could never see eye to eye on the maid's issue. The maid had become a wall between us. Even with no maid, it didn't help much. I always question myself why is my mum so controlling, so stubborn, so unreasonable, so insensitive, so unsympathetic and so selfish. She had never put herself in my position and understood my difficulties. I thought I would only get the peace only when she is no longer around. Or maybe, I should work a way out to let her stay somewhere else and come back occasionally. Her bitterness had not only affected me, but also to my entire family, as well as my relationship with my husband sometimes.

But now, I truly understand this - I had allowed these conflicts and issues to affect my emotions and block my focus of loving her. I realize these will never go away between us, so why should I let it ruin my relationship with her. By holding on to the considerations so tightly, I will lose my focus. This will not work for me and our relationship.

So, for now, whenever mum complains to me about the maid again, I am no longer affected, cos it is not important to me. I continue to show up my love. If there is a need, I will change the maid every 6 months, without getting myself frustrated anymore.

Beautiful Mum

I used to be the one who initiated kissing my boys. Then they would just reciprocate back in the same manner. Asher, being the shy boy, hardly kiss me back, unless I asked for it.

But these 2 days I felt something different. Asher started to initiate the kissing. Aron, who had been quite generous in giving kisses, continues to be as loving as ever when he kisses me.

I heard of a story recently, which touched me. It was about a mother's beauty that showed up out of love. This mother is a beautician, who looks simple and pleasant. It all just happened when she was talking to a customer about beauty. While its obvious that this mother's boss looks much glamorous, the customer told her that she just felt that the beautician is more beautiful. Feeling touched, the beautician started to share her story and her view about beauty.

The beautician told the customer that she has 2 daughters, of which, the elder one has become nun to serve the Lord, while the younger daughter is currently studying in a overseas university, majoring in mass communication and psychology. The young daughter has chosen to write on a thesis about "How to Deal With Difficult Child". Out of curiosity, the customer asked if the young daughter has any children or has been a teacher. The answers were nos. Then how would she know the best way of dealing with difficult children when she has no experience? The beautician answered "That's because she felt that she was a difficult child herself".

When the younger daughter was a little girl. She gave her mum lots of hard time, as she was really a stubborn little girl. Once, she would not tell her mum that she didn't want to take her meal. She said she would eat in her bedroom. So she took her plate of rice and dishes, walked straight into the bedroom, and locked the door. After a while, she took the empty plate out. Few days later, while her mum was cleaning her room, to her shock, she saw a pile of rotten food in the daughter's cabinet. She didn't scold her and she cleaned up the mess. She told the daughter softly, next time if she didn't want to eat, let her know.

This young daughter loved oranges, but she coughed very often. In order to keep the oranges away from the daughter, the mum kept them in the higher compartment in the fridge. One day, when the mum walked in to the kitchen, she saw her daughter standing on an inverted pail in front of the fridge. She was holding an orange in one hand and a knife in the other, and was trying to figure out how to cut it. Fear that the daughter might hurt herself by getting a fright from her loud voice, the mum called out the daughter's name gently, walked up to her and hugged her from behind. She told her gently that this was not the right way to cut the orange, as she might cut her own hand. She then carried the daughter down to the floor, took away the knife and orange, and showed her the way to cut the orange on the table with a cloth under it.

The daughter grew up and went overseas for study. She made new friends. Many of her friends went wild, once they were away from their families. They were, like prisoners, being set free from control from their parents. They went clubbing, taking pills & drugs, smoking, and even sleeping around. For herself, she didn't have the interest to do all these. Her mum had given her all the freedom to do anything she wanted to do since she was born and having the faith that the daughter would grow up to be a great woman. She felt she had received so much love from her mum that she wanted to love herself more.

As for the elder sister, who had chosen to serve the Lord, she had also received her mum's blessing. As long as that is what the daughter really wants and she will be truely happy doing it, the mum will fully support her and be happy for her. The mum just want the daughters to see the true beauty that comes from love.

In the past, my focus was to make sure my boys grow up with the right behaviour and manners. I would be very firm with them if they are not behaving well. I would shout at the top of my voice when they threw tantrums. I just want them to get my point. I had so much fear that they will go into the wrong path or directions. That would be the end of their future and my hope.

But now, I get to learn that I should have faith in them, believe that they will grow up to be great men, from the love I have for them. Whatever they have done wrong, it doesn't matter to me anymore. Cos if I take on these experiences with me, it will become an obstacle for me to show my love for them. My focus on loving them would be blocked out by my fear of loosing them as perfect children. Though they are not the perfect children and they do have flaw, but I would love them for who they are. My focus on them will be just love.

To all mothers, please continue to love your children and have faith in them. No matter how difficult they are, stay focus on what you want to give them. Anger, disappointment, frustration, etc, will only blocked out your love. Trust that everything else will work well. That is the greatest beauty of a mother.

Suddenly, there is a song that comes to my mind now - The Greatest Love of All.