Switching from Tai Tai to Part Time Worker

After being Tai Tai for 3 years, I am finally moving out of the house to work on part-time. Its like a bird in the cage being freed. However, a bird that is kept in the cage too long, do have the fear of coping with the outside world for the first day. I felt old, slow and rusty.

This job is on flexi-hour basis, as long as I clock in 100 hours a month. At first, I thought it wouldn't really take up too much time. However, as I started planning for my July working schedule, I realise, my whole entire month is very packed. First, all Fridays are taken up, due to my yoga classes and Asher's new enrichment programme which I have just signed up for him - the brain stimulation programme. Then I have committed myself to the Asiaworks Advanced Course for 5 full days + 2 evenings. After taking into all these considerations, I have to work as much as 7-8 hours a day for the remaining available days. So I left with no time to do research for my online business as well as to start working on some simple recipes with my new mini oven.

Feel like giving up the job already...

Well, its really a time for me to test out if I can work full time while my family can cope without me around.

Give myself another 2 more weeks, we shall see...

Mother's Love

I was about to leave home today for a temporary assignment which I have taken up 2 days ago, while I received a sms. It was a mother (my relative) who said her daughter had left home. My immediate thought: this mother's heart must be in great pain, she needed my support. Without second thought, I was at her place within half hour.

Through the conversation, I know the mother still love her daughter very much, cos she cried every time whenever I asked her if she wanted her daughter back. The answers were: yes and of course.

But things just were not working out between them, due to lack of honesty, trust and difference in moral standards. Maybe, the mother and daughter didn't know how to handle each other and their relationship. Yes, this is a life learning process, they have to put in their effort to learn it together. I also have a lot to learn for building a better relationship with my children.

Since the daughter was born, she has been her mother's pride. The mother had always seen her as a bright little pretty girl who has the potential to achieve great success. She would imagine that this little girl will grow up, have good and bright career, marry a nice man and have a happy family. This is every mother's wish and all mother's greatest happiness. It doesn't matter how much the mother would suffer, as long as they see the children having great life. Even her child achieve nothing, she will not love her less. In the mother's eyes, her child will always be a child, no matter at what age. She will always want to protect the child till she leaves the world. After experiencing close relationships with friends, boyfriends, husband and children, I realise my love for my children is the most powerful one. I think this happen to all mothers. How great is a mother's love.

I could imagine how painful it is to see her child turn her back and walk away. If my children ever do that, I think my heart will bleed to death.

To the mother and the family: its a rough time for you now, but my two cents worth of advice is: this is not a time to blame each other for what has happened (it is always easier to push the blame to others than to put the faults on own self for what has gone wrong), rather, it is a time where everyone do your best to bring the whole family back together and do not let it fall apart. While patiently wait for the return of the daughter, remember to continue to love each other (show it, the right way).

To the daughter: leaving home will not solve the problem, it is just a way to avoid and to worsen the relationship, not just with the mother, but with the rest of the family. If you still love the family, and don't want the family to fall apart, be brave to return home, for the door of your home is always open for you. If everybody has a common goal: to bring the family back, you will naturally find a way to work things out, by having an honest and open conversation and coming out with mutual agreements. If you want to show that you can be independent, you can still show it when you are at home, with the support from your family, of course.

I have been through teenage. At that point of time, I thought how come I have such a "shitty family", I also had thought of leaving home. Now, in my 30s, as a wife and mother, I am thankful for the kind of family that I have, which shape me into who I am today. I no longer remember a single thing which my mum hurt me when I was young, I have long forgotten all my hatred for her too. I just wanted to treasure the rest of my time with her, for she has little time left. I do not want to have any regrets of not treating her well enough.

Maybe we should start asking ourselves these questions: What kind of family do you want to create. What actions do you need to take to create this result. Can you put in your 100% effort to the actions. Have you take this as your own responsibility.

A mother's love - the most powerful love that I ever experience.

World Peace

Life was so much more peaceful when there is no maid. Yes, I will have a more hectic time cleaning up the house, less time to surf the net, less time to rest, less time to shop. Physically - more tired, mentally less stress, but I have a peace of mind.

My mum is a clean freak and a control freak. From the time she moved in to my house, she had been watching the maid sweeping and mopping the floor almost every morning at 5am - tile by tile. At first she wanted the maid to mop 2 rounds - 1 round wet, 1 round dry. She also expect the maid to change the pail of water many times- say for a living room, change 3 times, for 3 bedrooms, change 2 times, for kitchen, change 1 time. Toilets are to be washed everyday. All laundry are to be soaked over night in hot water, she believes all stains can only be removed with hot water. To save the utility bill, laundry are to be hand washed (rinse 4 times), except for big items like bed linens, which can be machine washed. All whites and towels to be soaked with bleach. So most of my table and floor towels turned almost white after a couple of wash.

After much quarrels with me, my mum finally gave in to mopping the floor 1 round, semi wet. Still the maid got to take about 2-3 hours to sweep and mop the entire house, again tile by tile and everyday (7 days per week).

Well since mum moved in 3 years ago, we had changed 7 maids (Indonesians and Philippinos). Some maids couldn't take the stress, some maids didn't meet my mum's expectations. With maids around, I had a special alarm clock which I couldn't control the alarm time - the noise outside my bedroom as early as 6 -7 am. Some days, the sound of the mop knocking against the wall, other days, my mum's scolding. Every few days, mum will start complaining to me about the maid - endless faults.

After the 7th maid left, I badly wanted a break, I insisted of not having the maid for a period of time. I thought this would give my mum some time to reflect upon herself, having too high expectations, at the same time, for me to train up my house cleaning skill.

Without maid, mum wake up at about 5-6am everyday and sweep the floor herself. As she is weak, she invented a unique way of sweeping - she moves around in sitting position on the floor, sweep using the traditional feather duster(which she believe this is the most effective tools for cleaning the dust). I ended up seeing couple of small feathers on the floor everyday. Mum even tried to mop the floor while I was out, but the task really strained her too much. I understand she had a good heart for me, but she didn't understand, that will make me feel bad and more worried about her health. Well, health is more important than anything else. Without good health, no matter how clean the house is, you will still not be happy.

she had to give up the mopping tasks and let me handle it. I am not so hardworking type. I just mop the house twice a week (1 round of course), clean the tables and shelves 1-2 times a week, wash the toilets once a week, and I do the cleaning in my own way, not her way. She didn't dare to speak a word.

After half a year, mum started to nag again, and say that we must have a maid. With too much of her nagging, I believed she would have understood the value of the maid, and maybe she would lower down her expectations this time. So I agreed to get a maid again. This time I planned the work schedule.

The current maid has been working for us for 2 months. My initial work schedule had been changed along the way. I didn't say a thing, for I didn't want to have any conflicts with mum unnecessarily. For the past 5 days, my special alarm clock started to work again. I know the maid's days are numbered. To add salt to the wound, MIL also started to complain about the maid.

Mum said the maid had no respect for her - she either answered in rude manner or she didn't even answer at all, and she talked back while mum is scolding her. Well, I believe that respect needs to be earned, even in the employer-maid relationship. If you respect the other party, you will also get the same in return. If you have been scolding the maid with words like insane, liar, nasty, etc, what do you think you will get in return* But sadly, mum couldn't understand this.

With so many disasters happening everywhere around the world, there are so many people struggling for survival. Numerous people either lost their lives or their families and all that belonged to them just within minutes. Here we are so fortunate to live in a safe land, yet we are still not contented of the luxuries we can enjoy, but to scrutinise in every little grain of faults other people make.

I don't know what will go on next and I don't want to think or plan too much. Come what may. For the time being, I just indulge in the joy of playing with my sons everyday. As long as I can get some quiet moment every now and then, its World Peace for me.

Barney Show

I haven't been planning much for the children's holiday programme till the school holiday started. While I was packing for the Malacca Trip, I recalled the advertisement about the Barney Live Performance.

I had never brought my boys to any live performance before. However, through my experience of passing by some stage show in the shopping mall, I know my boys doesn't feel comfortable with the weird looking mascots. In fact, they don't like the loud and powerful voice either, so I wasn't sure if they will enjoy the Barney Show.

But we must always start to explore somewhere, otherwise we will never know the answer, so I went on to book the tickets from the Sistic website. To be on the safe side, I decided to bring 1 child for the first time, I sacrificed Aron. I felt more confident handling Asher alone. So I bought 2 tickets. As the tickets were on sale for very long, all the tickets in Cat 1 were sold out, so I went for the Cat 2 tickets. Its was a good move, I know Asher would be frightened if he is seating too near to the stage.

When we stepped into the theatre in the Suntec Convention Hall, the light was rather dim. I can feel that Asher was nervous and uncomfortable. His eyes were slightly teary. When we got on to our seats, I tried to keep him occupied by stuffing some gummies, mesh mallows and pocky into him and distracted his attention to looking around.

When I told Asher there were lots of children coming for the show, he replied that their daddies also came. I wasn't sure if there was much implication to his words, cos his Daddy was working overseas at that moment.

5 mins after the show started, Asher was much more relaxed. Throughout the show, he remained to be quietly seated and watching it, focused, but without much movement and expression. I couldn't really tell if he enjoyed the show.

By half time, having 20mins of break, I suggested to go out for a walk, Asher refused. I told him if he was scared, we could go home, he said no, he wanted to stay for the show.

Towards the end, when Barney sang the "I Love U, You Love Me..." To my surprise, Asher sang along very loudly, to the extend that the parent & child sitting next to us turned and stared at him.

Though Asher wasn't expressive towards his feelings and emotions, I knew he liked the show.

I also felt very good, having to spend such close and personal time with him, without anyone else around, as I hardly had the chance to do so, I really treasured it.

Its an enjoyable show for both Asher and Mummy.

Malacca Trip 29 - 31 May

By now, the boys are so used to taking coaches. They even can tell which is Five Star Bus, Grassland Bus or Transtar Bus... When I told them that we would be going to take either of these buses, they knew they were going to 'hotel' again and they enjoyed staying in the hotels. Asher would be counting down the days to take the Grassland bus this time. He also knew exactly where we would take the bus - Beach Road, Golden Mile Complex, as he would "direct" us there.

Though we had to take the "single deck" coach again this time, as there was no "double deck" coach going to Malacca, the boys still enjoyed the ride. Yes, the "single deck" coach still didn't look as nice as the "double deck" coach, and the seats, though spacious and reclinable, were also not as comfortable. Anyway, its only a 4.5 hour ride, shorter than the journey to KL or Genting.

Before we even went to Malacca, MIL already was not very excited about the place, after hearing from her friend that there is "nothing much" there, no shopping and nothing for children to play. Her interest is only SHOPPING. She is not interested in sight-seeing, be it nature or historical buildings, beaches or adventures. She only take Chinese food, limited to no milk, no cream, no butter (ie. even bread or biscuits with slightest butter flavour), no cheese, no potatoes, no ham, no saugage, no raw food, no Japanese, Western, Thai, Indian, Malay food, no burgers, no fries, no Bah Kut Teh, no Laksa....(much more to add on). Kind of difficult to choose a place for her to enjoy her holiday, except Hong Kong. As for the children, I am less worried, cos they just need either rice or noodle and they enjoyed Mc Donald Kids Meal, otherwise, snacks and tibits can fill half their stomaches. "Nothing for children to play", yes , I know that, but why should we always choose places which have theme parks. The children should get the chance to look at other things. Besides, our hotel (Mahkota Hotel) have 2 big pools and children pools for them to enjoy. By just staying in the hotel, the boys were already in high spirits. Since we had been to KL, Bangkok and Genting, we do not have any other "interesting"nearby place to go, unless Disneyland, which Kenny could not afford the time.

Anyway, I didn't let this affect my mood, and we went ahead with the plan. We stayed in an apartment style (with 2 bedrooms) hotel. The hotel is located at the coaster area, next to a jetty (suppose to be for cruise to stop there, but I had not seen any cruise stopping by in that 3 days, except a few vessels which stationed far away from the coast). So, there was a pleasant sea view, as well as city view from our room on the 6th floor. However, the tap water was scarily yellowish, which I insisted for the safety of the children, we should consume only mineral water which we purchased (about 20 bottles in total) from the convenient stalls nearby.

There were 2 big shopping malls across the road from our hotel, which I purposely chose this hotel for the sake of MIL. Though nothing exciting to buy there, the game arcade occuppied my children attention and time as there were children rides for them to play, while the ladies went shopping.

Next to the shopping mall was the non-aircon food centre which were divided into 2 sections, the Muslim and Chinese food. The food there was rather delicious and cheap and had good varieties. In fact, even the breads and pastries from the small counters in the shopping mall also tasted very good. We also went for the Malacca's famous chicken rice - F'amosa Chicken Rice. Tried the rice balls, which was their specialty, but didn't know how to appreciate it, we still enjoyed the typical loose rice with their very tasty dishes, soya sauce chicken, char siew, roasted meat, super soft and smooth tofu, fishball soup, fried bean sprout, yummy.

The transport there sucks, cos we hardly see any taxis moving around. On the second nite of our stay, we had a really hard time looking for cab to return to the hotel, and we ended up walking around so long till we almost dropped dead. Kenny couldn't take it as he carried Aron (who refused to walk) and walked a long way, while he endured the pain from the wounds he got from falling down earlier that day. Finally, we found some very beautifully decorated trishaws near the night market street, and we were so glad that we didn't care how much they were going to charge us. In fact the trishaw cost more than the taxi, we went there in 1 cab which charged us RM12, but the 2 trishaws which took us back cost RM15 each. So my advice to those who want to go Malacca - be prepared to walk or please drive your own car there.

Luckily the trishaws took us back in time before the rain started. In fact, to our pleasant surprise, there was a fireworks right in front of our window and balcony, with no blockage. It lasted about half an hour, even longer than what we can see during our national day. The fireworks continued to blossom and boom in the dark sky, despite it poured so heavily halfway through the process. Till now, I couldn't find out what was the occasion. But for a small town to have such elaborate celebrations, its really impressive.

When I was dying not to miss any of the single firework that shot up to the sky, both the boys were frightened to death. Asher clinged on to me so tightly that I almost lost my breath, and I had to comfort and calm him while I covered his ears, with my eyes stucked at the window. Aron ran to the other bedroom and played his newly bought toys with his dad and refused to come out as long as the sounds didn't stop. Poor daddy, had no chance to video tape down the beautiful moments, but only to snap a few shots for the last 2 minutes before the fireworks ended.

Yes, in deed, the boys weren't interested in the sight-seeing at the historical places as we were walking up the fort or walking around Churches. Neither was MIL excited, but was "forced" to follow us. FIL was not so resisting, as he tried to catch a glimpse of the things he walked pass, while having to keep an eye on the boys.

Luckily, the hotel swimming pools could make it up to the boys trip. This mummy had cleverly bought 2 ring floats and a pump at very low price, before leaving for the trip. After having a couple of fanciful floats (such as the life-jacket floats and the sit-in floats), I finally realised the simplest type of floats make the most comfortable and enjoyable swim, which the 2 boys had not removed them throughout the time in the pool.

While we were in the Grassland bus, on the way back home, Aron didn't want to come home, he gave me the very pitiful look and said he wanted to go to another hotel. I had to pacify him by telling him that I need to go home and buy tickets first.

Till today, the boys still look forward to taking the Five Star bus and Grassland bus...

Last Day of School

I have not been updating my blog since Genting Trip, was rather busy in the school holiday. So, I am trying recall all the happenings since after the trip.

Aron started to have fever on the first night after we returned from Genting. His fever lasted for 3 days, followed by blocked nose, runny nose and cough. As it was the last week of school before the 1 month holiday, we tried to let Aron goes to school right after he recovered from the fever, but still with slight runny nose and cough. During that few days of school, the teachers, as usual checked on every student at the school entrance for signs of HFMD. Aron passed the check and attended the classes.

On the last day of school. As usual, the students have to stop and queue in front of the teacher on duty at the entrance. While Aron, still having slight cough and runny nose, passed the check and went in to the hall for assembly, Asher, surprisingly, failed the check. The teacher told me that she found 3 white spots on Asher's tongue. When I stared hard enough into Asher's mouth, the spots could bearly be seen, not to say that they looked like ulcers. Well, the teacher was trying to be extra careful (too hyper extra careful), so I didn't want to make a scene, and I brought Asher home. Over that few days, Asher proved to be healthy.

What kind of check is the school conducting - really make me wonder. The one having flu virus was not detected, while the one who was healthy was asked to go home. What a joke!

My Longest Time Lover

This draft was created since April. It was a difficult article, as a lot of my feelings and emotions for the relationship could not be expressed in precise words. There is so much memories coming back that it could be written as lengthy as a book, but at the same time, it could not be fully expressed out. Whatever it is, as long as my lover knows what I am trying to say, that's good enough. Hubby, I am not writing about you yet, please don't get upset. There will be your turn someday... be patient.

I used to be a very quiet girl without much confidence when I was young. I came from a typical Chinese speaking family. When I was transferred from a Chinese to an English school at pri 3, half the time I couldn't understand what my Indian Form Teacher was talking. For survival, I struggle to get a companion to get a sense of security in school. I chose a friend to stick to and followed her wherever she went, even followed her to the Monkey Bar area at a corner of the school. This was the place where I started my first "relationship", which lasted until today.

I got to know this girl who loves swinging all over the place on the Monkey Bar and I gave her the name "Ali Ba Ba". We were in the same class during Pri 4, but weren't very close yet. Our "yuan fen" started only when we went to the same secondary school and ended up in the same class. Again she became the target that I sticked to and followed. I even joined the same ECA as her. Through out the secondary school days, she had many close friends, but I just refused to explore building closer relationships with other people. We gossips every nite on the phone, we had arguments once every few nites. I always felt that she was too nice to all the "nasty people". Still, I sticked by her, cos she is the only person I could confide. We quarreled over big and small issues, scrutinise into every single bit of each other's word and actions. I felt stressful, but still I didn't ever think of giving up this friend. We went through so much ups and downs, thick and thin, we cried and laugh together. We shared everything we had, including the clothes, even though we were of different size. She was fleshy and busty while I was flat and bony, we could still exchange our waredrobe.

We went to different schools for our A level, she went to JC and I went to Pre-U Institute. If only I could get into JC, I would have chosen the same JC as her. But the separation didn't stop us from staying closed. We stayed over night at each other's home very often and we talked through the night till 4am. When I was at her place, we shared the queen size bed. When she was at my place, she had my bed while I slept on the floor. Through the years, we continued to have many arguments and discussions. Our friendship had gone so strong that I thought : IF WE ARE OF DIFFERENT GENDER, WE WOULD HAVE MARRIED EACH OTHER LONG AGO & HAVE OUR CHILDREN BY NOW.

When we went on to pursue our Degree course, she went to NTU, I went to SIM. During this time, I felt threatened. Not only did I feel the gap between our intellectual level getting bigger, she was also getting very close to a male classmate. I kind of got jealous and I always questioned her if she was in a relationship with this young man. I couldn't accept what she concluded as just 'very close friend'. If this guy continued to be this close to you, he would frightened off all the other potential guys. If this guy was just a close friend, I would feel that I would be "demoted" to no. 2. Anyhow, some misunderstanding happened that their friendship went bust. My "status" was back to the "safe zone" again.

In my 2 relationships, both guys had the similar feeling that I was placing too much focus and importance on this woman, they felt threatened too. My husband, during our initial courtship, suspect that we were lesbian. He even asked me, between this woman and him, who would I choose. My answer really broke his heart at that moment, well surprisingly he still marry me (maybe he had been convinced that I am straight). But at that moment, how could I give up someone who had been in my life for 20 years for someone that I just started building a relationship for a year. I think my husband had understood this point and never asked the same question again.

In all my important moments (except the time that I gave birth), be it good or bad, she had been with me. I remembered clearly on the day when my sister went missing from home, she was the one who went with me to make a police report. She was the only one who was with me and held on to me tightly when the police broke the news of my sis's suicide. She was supposed to stay at home to study for her exam for the following day, and yet she put down her study to be with me, stayed by me and gave me the courage to break this shocking news to my mum. Even my then boyfriend told me he couldn't come for the wake as his mum (super superstitious) did not want him to so.

Its been 25 years, this relationship still goes on... We may not be spending as much time together now, and we may be living a different life, but our hearts still connect. We had promised each other when we turned 60, we would buy each other a diamond ring. We also promised each other we would spend a white Christmas together.

Alice, my friend, my sister, my lover, I am so blessed to have you in my life. You have inspired me so much that you make me take on a positive attitude towards life and I know I will continue to be a happy woman throughout. Thank you and I love you.