29 Mar 2009, its the day of the arrival of my 2nd Godson, Alice's 2nd boy...
Baby was born at 3.685 kg & 52 cm long!
Both mummy and baby are doing well. Baby hasn't have a name yet.
This baby is so beautiful. Its been a long time I had carried a new born... I missed that feeling, that whenever I carry him, I feel so reluctant to put him down.
Somehow, I felt so strongly for him. Maybe because he had the same zodiac (Ox) and same horoscope (Aries) as me.
Since I entered motherhood, I have not had a chance to go on honeymoon trips with my hubby. Before I gave birth, I asked hubby: when do you think we will ever be able to go on trips again without the children tagging along. Hubby replied: when the boys reach 3-4 yrs old & when mum (MIL) can handle the boys for us...
I waited & waited. Finally, the boys have reached 4-5 yrs old. Then I told my hubby, now that the boys go to school, we can only make our trips during their holidays. Let's look at where we can go and when you can take leave, probably a 2-3 day trip will do. He said: we will see...
I waited and waited again, no response. Finally, towards the year end school holiday, hubby started to have plans, but all were for the family trips, none was for the 2 of us. I got upset. Seems like hubby does not think it is necessary for us to have our couplehood time anymore. He always said: too busy... settle the family first... So I had this conclusion: I am not important to him anymore.
I started pouring my "sorrow" to other people, hoping to get their sympathy and support. Thru the conversation, this very loving, caring and sensitive husband of other people finally enlightened me. He reminded me something I learnt from the Asiaworks course - you can't change other people in order to make your own life better, you can only do something to make yourself feel better. The more I expect my man to do something I wanted him to do, the more disappointment I will get. I have been waiting all these while for him to initiate to plan for an outing or a short holiday trip for the 2 of us, but I ended up getting depressed. The lousier my mood becomes, the more hubby will avoid me and the more he will doing nothing, cos he doesn't know how to handle me. Then I started blaming him for not doing anything, for not making enough effort to cheer me...
Come to think of it I am following my mum footstep - getting more & more bitter each day, playing the victim role, pushing the responsibility to others, and to find justifications that the problems lies in him and not me. At the end of the day, I even thought of the worst thing to do - leave this house , leave this family, leave him and be on my own. The spiral kept going down.
Somehow at the back of my mind I believe "happiness doesn't drop from the sky. You have to work for it." To make the relationship works, the friend said: "you should treat the person the way you want him to treat you". I have always been waiting for him to give me surprises, waiting for him to initiate to do something together, waiting for him to plan for our holidays. Yes, maybe it is time I should make changes. I really did that. I planned a surprise for him.
After checking out that he will be taking leave for the last week of the year, I booked a 1 night stay roof-garden room at Sentosa Siloso Beach Resort, reserved a table for dinner at The Cliff restaurant, all without telling him. I told him I would be bring him for a picnic, and I secretly packed all our things. I even got the friend to teach me the hand and foot massage, so that I can massage for hubby at the resort. With the help from my mum & MIL, I managed to keep this as a secret till last minute. I also told my boys in silence, that mummy and daddy will be away for a night. It was a few days after Xmas last year, so I took it as a Xmas gift for both of us. I enjoyed the thrill during that few days of preparation.
Finally, we got to the resort and spent a good time there - undisturbed. It really felt like a honeymoon trip, especially with the roof top jacuzzi that oversee the sea. We also have a very peaceful, sumptuous and romantic dinner. Maybe its a "man's thing", hubby didn't show much surprises or "teary and touched" expression on his face, but I believed he love this surprise.
I felt proud of myself making this move. It is not easy to take the first step, as I had to put down a lot of "ego" to take action. But now I felt happier in giving than receiving, and I don't feel like a victim anymore.
After our "honeymoon trip", I kind of change my thinking. It is really not important as to who give who surprises first, or who must show more care and love. Its about "instead of waiting for things to happen, take action to make it happen", so that you achieve what you want. I wanted to have a romantic and relaxing time with hubby, and I made it happen.
Hubby is still the same hubby, he hasn't changed. But I am happier, cos I know how to handle myself better.
I must admit I am a woman who doesn't know how to save lots of $. In the past, I spent a lot on buying clothes & shoes. Now that my wardrobe and my shoe cabinet is full, I felt rather guilty of spending on myself, cos, non of my family can benefit from my spending except myself.
Recently, I have been doing a lot of online research for simple cooking and baking recipes. I was very inspired by this young housewife who had been making so much nice food for the family. The love she has for her children is all shown in her food. She posted lots of simple recipes and lovely pictures on her blog (http://www.wokkingmum.blogspot.com/). Next, I found myself diverging my spending on other things: blender cum grinder, electrical mixer, mixing bowls, baking tools and ingredients, fruits, ice-cream, etc.
I started from 0 knowledge, like a dummy following every step of instructions. I have made mango desserts (yes, I love mangoes), cup-cakes, pandan cakes, milk shakes and sandwiches. Since I don't have much opportunity to cook lunch or dinner, I thought it will good idea to 'master' on some desserts. My upcoming trial will be cookies, honeydew sago, huat kueh, ice cream, sorbet and many more.
Due to my mum's "school of thoughts", I have been feeling scared of messing up the kitchen. To her, as long as you do anything in the kitchen, the kitchen will end up in a mess and full of grease, which you will have to spend few hours cleaning up from ceiling to floor. Whenever I tried meddling with some food, I felt being "watched" by her. She will always said that I am clumsy and takes over whatever I am doing. This stress made me paid a big price - till today, I still can't cook a simple meal. To overcome this, I told myself, I must start getting into the kitchen and dirty my own hands.
Well, this interest has been getting stronger. Hope this way will reduce my spending on clothes and shoes, thus benefit my family more with nice yummy food.
It has been thunder storm for these few days. Seems gloomy... For a very very long time, I had not seen a real rainbow.
Few days ago, after a down pour in the late afternoon, I finally got to see a big beautiful rainbow appearing in the sky. It is a pity that my house is not facing in the direction of the rainbow, no wonder I haven't been able to catch hold of it. It was at MIL's house that we could see so clearly, the wide view of the whole rainbow.
This was the first time that both my boys saw a real rainbow. At first, Aron was a little taken back and he ran in to the middle of the house, far away from the window. After a few more glimpse, with running to and fro from the window to peep, he kind of got use to the "strange image", and finally settled down with much ease.
Asher is the braver boy, who can accept the "strange image" in a very short time. I think he fell in love with it, that he actually said a prayer, out of his own initiative. (Well, he has been sent to an Anglican kindergarten school, that is why he know about praying). As per his request, I closed my eyes (peeping at him secretly), put my hands together, just as he did. Aron followed.
Asher said something like this: "For the beautiful rainbow, thank you. I hope to see the rainbow again, with the sun and rain, Amen." For the moment, I felt touched. Asher has grown to become appreciative, for something that is not material, something that he cannot own, something that he can only see from a distant. This is just pure appreciation of what he thinks is beautiful to him. I am so proud and thankful to have such a sweet boy. I just hope that this kind of appreciation will stay with him for a long time.
Soon after the rainbow disappeared. I was feeling a bit down, I did not know when I could see the rainbow again. It just gave me a very blissful feeling and a belief that nature can be so beautiful.
To cover up my little sadness and dissappointment, I taught the boys about the seven colours which form the rainbow, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. Asher drew and coloured it as I guided him through the sequence.
Yesterday, for a second time, we caught the rainbow again, after another storm. I told Asher:"See, because you said your prayer, that's why the rainbow appeared again." Not that I have belief in the religion, but it is a good way for Asher to continue to express his appreciation and have faith in things that he wanted to happen.
So, the mummy holding the 2 boys, stood by the window, looking into the sky, for a long time. This time, we tried to catch every single colour and enjoyed every moment of togetherness. Of course, this is also one of the most enjoying moment of motherhood.
Asher said the similar prayer again, followed by Aron singing the prayer songs he learnt in school, which amused the grand-parents and everyone else in the house.
While I appreciate Asher's sweetness and gentleness, Aron's cheekiness and all his funny actions would also melt my heart.
