I waited & waited. Finally, the boys have reached 4-5 yrs old. Then I told my hubby, now that the boys go to school, we can only make our trips during their holidays. Let's look at where we can go and when you can take leave, probably a 2-3 day trip will do. He said: we will see...
I waited and waited again, no response. Finally, towards the year end school holiday, hubby started to have plans, but all were for the family trips, none was for the 2 of us. I got upset. Seems like hubby does not think it is necessary for us to have our couplehood time anymore. He always said: too busy... settle the family first... So I had this conclusion: I am not important to him anymore.
I started pouring my "sorrow" to other people, hoping to get their sympathy and support. Thru the conversation, this very loving, caring and sensitive husband of other people finally enlightened me. He reminded me something I learnt from the Asiaworks course - you can't change other people in order to make your own life better, you can only do something to make yourself feel better. The more I expect my man to do something I wanted him to do, the more disappointment I will get. I have been waiting all these while for him to initiate to plan for an outing or a short holiday trip for the 2 of us, but I ended up getting depressed. The lousier my mood becomes, the more hubby will avoid me and the more he will doing nothing, cos he doesn't know how to handle me. Then I started blaming him for not doing anything, for not making enough effort to cheer me...
Come to think of it I am following my mum footstep - getting more & more bitter each day, playing the victim role, pushing the responsibility to others, and to find justifications that the problems lies in him and not me. At the end of the day, I even thought of the worst thing to do - leave this house , leave this family, leave him and be on my own. The spiral kept going down.
Somehow at the back of my mind I believe "happiness doesn't drop from the sky. You have to work for it." To make the relationship works, the friend said: "you should treat the person the way you want him to treat you". I have always been waiting for him to give me surprises, waiting for him to initiate to do something together, waiting for him to plan for our holidays. Yes, maybe it is time I should make changes. I really did that. I planned a surprise for him.
After checking out that he will be taking leave for the last week of the year, I booked a 1 night stay roof-garden room at Sentosa Siloso Beach Resort, reserved a table for dinner at The Cliff restaurant, all without telling him. I told him I would be bring him for a picnic, and I secretly packed all our things. I even got the friend to teach me the hand and foot massage, so that I can massage for hubby at the resort. With the help from my mum & MIL, I managed to keep this as a secret till last minute. I also told my boys in silence, that mummy and daddy will be away for a night. It was a few days after Xmas last year, so I took it as a Xmas gift for both of us. I enjoyed the thrill during that few days of preparation.
Finally, we got to the resort and spent a good time there - undisturbed. It really felt like a honeymoon trip, especially with the roof top jacuzzi that oversee the sea. We also have a very peaceful, sumptuous and romantic dinner. Maybe its a "man's thing", hubby didn't show much surprises or "teary and touched" expression on his face, but I believed he love this surprise.
I felt proud of myself making this move. It is not easy to take the first step, as I had to put down a lot of "ego" to take action. But now I felt happier in giving than receiving, and I don't feel like a victim anymore.
After our "honeymoon trip", I kind of change my thinking. It is really not important as to who give who surprises first, or who must show more care and love. Its about "instead of waiting for things to happen, take action to make it happen", so that you achieve what you want. I wanted to have a romantic and relaxing time with hubby, and I made it happen.
Hubby is still the same hubby, he hasn't changed. But I am happier, cos I know how to handle myself better.
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