The Old vs the Young Thinking

Everyday, after the boys alight their school bus, they will be given a drink (sometimes Yakault, sometimes Milo, etc) and a sweet (usually mash mallow or gummy) each, usually prepared by Ah Mah (MIL). Sometimes, the mummy will also contribute additional sweets. See how pampered the boys are*

Today, as usual, Ah Mah gave them a Yakault and a mini pack of mash mallow each, while I gave them the hamburger gummy (their favourite). Somehow, Asher mistakenly thought that Aron had gotten more than him, and he asked for more. I tried explaining to him that they both got the same amount, but he wouldn't believe and started crying. Ah Mah keep repeating "STOP". I told her to leave him alone and let him stop crying himself, she wouldn't listen. Well the "STOPs" really didn't work at all.

Ye Ye took out some more mash mallow to pacify him . I said to Asher, "You cry, so no mash mallow for you. When you stop, then you can have it." No sign of stopping yet, but Ye Ye had opened the packaging and given it to him. Still crying loud and sound, with the mash mallow in his mouth.

Trying to control myself from flaring up, I said, "Mummy is going home, dun want to see anymore". I left the house, with Asher still crying and calling "Mummy, Mummy". I never turned back. I wonder if the ILs understand the meaning behind my walk-off.

I think I am very lenient towards allowing my sons to take sweets everyday. When they are in Ah Mah's house, I am not sure how many more would Ye Ye give them. But I told myself, I trust that they know where's the limit, as long as my sons stay healthy, I would not dampen my relationship with the ILs by blaming them of spoiling the grand-children.

I find myself fighting alone, as no one else are on my side. While I think its time for my boys to learn the lessons using a more firm assertions (I dun believe in canning, but I do raise my voice loud in order to make it obvious that I am upset), the ILs think that there is no need to be too harsh on them as they are still too young. They believe that there is no harm pacifying them. So whenever they cry, they will be attended at the fastest time possible. In the end the boys got what they want and they win the battle (this is call power struggle). The olds believe a child's character is inborn, if they are good, they will naturally become good when they grew up. If they are smart, they will naturally get good results next time. MIL said many times: I had never need to cane my boys (referring to my hubby and BIL), see, they still grew up to be decent and upright men.

To the ILs and even to my mum, I wish to say that time has changed, environment has changed, children are more exposed these days, so they are smarter and they get more temptations. The methods they used 30 years ago will not work now. I have no wish that my boys will become genius. I just wish they are being taught with the right values rooted in them and don't grow up like a spoilt child. I believe in using the methodology which is effective in sending the right message across to the children about what is right and what is wrong. I don't mind explaining the same thing a hundred times till they understand my point. But what I need most is the consistency in the ways we adults used on the children. So please, can we syncronise for the good of the children*