Turning Point

3 days after my 36th birthday, my hubby dropped a "bomb" to me - he was told by his boss that the company is going to close down his division and asked him to be prepared "for the worst". In fact, he knew this about a week earlier, but kept it to himself till after my birthday. The reason is very obvious. That also explained why he couldn't sleep well for that couple of nights. He was doing a lot of calculations, to check how long we could survive with our savings, and making plans on his future career path.

At that moment, besides feeling shocked, I was more worried about how hubby is taking it mentally. Well, men usually like to hide their feelings - the utterly stupid man's ego thing! Always trying to act cool and brave. By the time hubby told me about the news, he had already gotten over the shock, fear & depression all by himself.

After gotten over the shock myself, I suddenly felt that it is not a bad thing for things to happen this way. After all, hubby has been working non-stop for so many years. He dares not think of taking a break for a short while or switch job, as he think no other job can give him a better package. He dare not complain about his endless traveling. He has become so "mechanical", that I could feel he has lost his passion for his job. The tireness is shown all over his face. He is carrying the entire family's burden on him, so he cannot stop working.

Well, maybe God has decided to give him a chance to take a break and re-look his life, as well as to let our family face some challenges. He has always chosen to stay in the "comfort zone", reluctant to make any changes. He is not the ambitious guy who will dream big or challenge to win. He will choose to be contented with whatever he has and not see at things that he doesn't have. I think God probably can see how much bigger is his real power, potential and capability, than what he can see in himself. It is a chance for him to bring out his hidden full power.

Over a couple of nights, we discussed and threw many ideas on the possible ways we could do for survival. I offered to go out to work. After being tai-tai for 4 years, its time I start doing something. Hubby suggested about setting up business. In fact, we had ever talked about doing things in relation to children education before. As parents, we understand that no matter how bad the economy is, parents will never give up or save on children education. We also want to take on a business that is stable over a long period of time. We started to do some research and make some calculations on setting up a tuition agency or Chinese enrichment centre.

I began to be very excited. Suddenly, I felt my worth and see my role in a clearer picture. I had been feeling very useless and small for the past few years. Now, I will be able to give hubby my full support by running the business together. I am prepared to get very busy, and to take the challenge. Together with him, I will be powered up to face any difficult moments, for I know, we will give each other the encouragement and drive that will push us to overcome any barriers. Even though we have no prior experience, knowledge or resources, but I believe our will power will see us through. I am ready to "do or die" together with him.

As for the family, I know they will all be behind us. When MIL knew that hubby is losing his job, she immediately offer to rent and sell away her flat. She said no matter what, she will make sure the 2 boys are well taken care of. I was very touched and thankful for her offer, but at the moment we do not need to go to this extend. I know they are all ready for the tough time. In fact, I don't even mind to have my children to go through some hardship. Maybe that is a way to make them learn to be more appreciative for things they have.

Few weeks later, hubby drop me another news. His ex-boss of 14 years is pulling him over to his division. That means he has to choose between taking up the transfer or taking the retrenchment package of 15 years and leave the company. Obviously, being the non-risk taker, he chose to take up the transfer option. He told me to go ahead to set up the business while he continue to work in his current job. If the business do well, he can quit and join me, if the business go bust, at least he still have his job.

While I understand his concern, my drive goes down by half. Setting up business alone? I am not sure if I have enough energy and motivation to do it - all by myself. If I am so confident, I would have done it few years back. It is the "togetherness" that will really power me up. But now? How much can hubby support me when he has to travel so much and drained out by his job. How much would he put his heart and soul into the business while he has to worry about his sales numbers and deadlines at work?

For now, I have to take things slowly again. Maybe my drive will eventually dies. Or maybe we have to wait for the next crisis, turning point or cross-road to come again.