Value of a Wheelchair

Have been sending mum for medical check-ups and scans very often these days. Well, old age comes with lots of health problem. She has weak heart, weak lung, multiple blockages in the main arteries, as well as in both legs. As she is almost reaching 80, she seem to have more difficulty moving around these days. Just with about 10 steps, she starts to feel breathless.

I suggested to get a wheelchair for her, so that its easier for her to go out. For the last few years, she objected to even carrying a walking stick. But now, she agreed with my suggestion. I remember in the last days of my Dad, his family bought him a wheelchair. So I checked with my niece if they still keep it. I am prepared to buy over, but they are kind enough to lend to us, only on a request to return it to them when we no longer need it. Fair enough. In fact, its good deal, as I don't need to spend a few hundred dollars to get a new one and this wheelchair somehow has
some sentimental value as my dad had used it before.

Hubby didn't think its a nice idea to borrow the wheelchair from my dad's family. He felt that it may become a white elephant as we may not use it so often. What if we damage the wheelchair, it will be more "pai say" for us.

To me I see a lot more value in this wheelchair, more than the value of having it as white elephant, more than my face value. Not just the sentimental value which connects to my dad. If I could just use it for once or twice, to bring my mum out for shopping or a meal, I think I have utilise it all.

Dad passed away on 29 Jan 2007, I still missed him a lot. At times I felt remorseful of not spending enough time with him. It has become my greatest regrets for him. Its too painful that I don't want this feeling to come back when its time for my mum to leave.

No matter how much problem she has given me, no mater how much conflicts we have, no matter how others see her as the most difficult woman, I still want to give her the best of time she has left. Cos I really don't want to regret one more time.

Mum has been staying at home most of the time when the rest of my family goes out for meals or shopping on weekends. She refused to join us as she can't walk much. With the wheelchair, I hope it will motivate her to come out more often with us. I am most willing to push her around.

Feedback on Mooncakes

I am very thankful to those who have given me the feedback on my mooncakes... especially the very honest and the very professional feedbacks.

Before I forget these valuable words, I better note it down, so that I can refer back the next time I make mooncakes.

Lynda:

1. Snow skin is too oily. Maybe I added too much shortening fat. Yes I agreed, especially when it is eating at room temperature. If it is eating chilled, its not so bad. Think I better use my teacher's recipe the next time, instead of using the pre-mix recipe.

Alice:

1. The skin of the traditional mooncake is slightly hard and uneven, some parts are thicker than the other parts.
2. The snow skin is a little too hard, it doesn't blend in very nicely with the paste. After trying the snow skin mooncake from Tung Lok, I understand what she meant. One thing nice to note is the paste they used - red bean paste with champagne chocolate substitute as egg yolk. I like that combination, should try the next time.

Neighbour (Auntie ??? , must ask for her name next time I see her):

1. Not enough melon seeds in the paste. She likes more melon seeds.
2. Skin is ok. Paste not too sweet, just right.

Betty (my facial lady):

1. Skin too hard - I might have kneaded the dough too long, or my hands are too warm and it affects the temperature on the dough. Yes, I am too afraid that the dough is not mixed well enough.
2. Colour not even - My egg yolk coating is too concentrated, I must add more egg white or milk. It could also due to the uneven temperature in the oven, maybe I can try turning the tray.
3. White Lotus Paste is good.
4. Pandan Paste - no standard. Want to DIY, must use fresh pandan leaves and coconut juice. I can do more research on that.

Hubby:

1. Think its nice enough for a start, no much negative feedback. But he suggested that I can try creating some unique paste next time, so that I can give people some surprise.

Something I have forgotten to mention to the others on the traditional mooncake - the skin is hard on the 1st day of the baking, but it will be soften on the 2nd or 3rd day, and it will taste better by then.

Mooncakes

It all started with me looking around for birthday cakes for my 2 princes. I was trying to look for something new and different from those selling at Bengawan, Polar Cakes, Prima Deli & Swensons...

Then, one day, I came to know that a friend's wife makes cakes. I read her blog and I was very impressed. I thought it would be cool if I could make the birthday cakes myself and I started to search for more info on the cake baking classes. Just then, I realise the CC near my place has baking classes. There are 5 stages, with 8 lessons per stage. I signed up for it. But I realise it will take me a long way, before I can make a nice cake like those I saw in the blog. So, in the end I just ordered the cakes from the friend and told myself to pick up the skill slowly. Hopefully, by this time next year, I can acquire enough skill to make "professionally" nice looking and yummy cakes.

In the meantime, the Mooncake Festival is coming, I took the opportunity, pull my sister-in-law along, took up the mooncake making class.

We made the 1st batch of mooncakes last Monday, but we forgot to take pictures. Last Saturday, we tried the 2nd round - traditional mooncakes & snow skin mooncakes.

Traditional Mooncakes:

1. Traditional mooncake skin have to be made first and let it rest for at least 5 hours. I made it a day before
   

1. Pandan paste mixed with melon seeds. I also used white lotus paste with salted egg yolks.

For the salted egg yolks, washed away the egg white, season with sesame oil and bake it for 10 mins.

1. Dough with the skin wrapped around the paste. Before and after putting into mould. The most difficult part is to ensure the skin is evenly spread out over the paste. For the not so skillful people like us, its quite a challenging job.

1. Mooncakes just came out from oven. The colour is not very even, cos I wasn't experienced enough in applying the egg yolk over the surface. Needs more training.

1. Though the look is not fantastic, the taste is good!




2. 
   
   

Snowskin Mooncakes:

1. We used different ingredients from what we were taught in class, cos I saw the snow skin pre mix ingredients in Phoon Huat. So, for the "short-cut" way, we used these.

1. Dough after mixing all the ingredients together. I took an extra step, instead of using plain water to mix, I boiled the water with pandan leaves, and chilled the boiled pandan water first.

1. The finished product of the snowskin mooncakes. This will taste better after chilling. Though the colour look nice, but the skin seem to be a little too oily. I also got feedback that the skin is a little hard, compared to the Tung Lok mooncake.

Altogether we made 69 traditional mooncakes (medium size) and 27 snow skin mooncakes (medium size). We started about 9.30am in the morning and finished at about 4pm. By the time we finished, our legs were numb. We gave away some to neighbours and relatives. Well, the good thing is - we saved a lot of $$$. The cost of the ingredients were much lower than those mooncakes selling in the restaurants or hotels!!!

Thinking of doing this as business? Dare not think yet...

The learning of baking is a long way to go. Though now I get hooked in baking, I am just interested in the process of baking, not really on eating. So, people around me got to be prepared to swallow off all my successful and unsuccessful products....till I get tired of baking.

What's wrong with my blog?

Am I not blog savy enough? Or there is some technical problem with my blog. I have been spending 2 days to adjust the alignment on my blog, but it still turn out a mess. Anybody can help?

Busy Mummy

A few friends have been "complaining" that I hardly update my blog. Yes, yes, yes, I know. I am back again. My dear friends, you don't have to visit my blog too often, maybe once a month is good enough. I am not that hardworking leh. Heee.

Hubby told me that once he had a conversation with his colleague:

"Is your wife working?" colleague asked.

"No". Hubby answered.

"So, she is a full time housewife?"

"Sort of."

"She looks after the children?"

"My mum helps to look after them."

"So she does the housework & cooking?"

"We have a maid, she doesn't cook."

"So what does she do?"

"I don't know, but she always complains that she is busy."

Things that I have been busy with recently:

Mum's hospitalization:

Mum's leg has been swelling since early Aug. Have been sending her to GPs, Chinese doctors to Polyclinic couple of times. But no improvement. With her food poisoning incident, she ended up in SGH, to treat her leg as swell. She was discharged, but the leg swell again the very next day. Now, she was back in the hospital 2nd time. I have been to the A&E for 3 times within 1 month, each time spending not less than 6 hours waiting. When she was warded, she disliked the food there, so the heartache daughter tried to ta bao nice food everyday and visit her at noon time.

Son's birthdays:

Aron's 4th birthday - 30 Aug

Asher's 5th birthday - 17 Sep

See how much they have grown.... Many people says that I am a lucky mum, cos I have "easy" boys, as they are not the hyperactive type. Indeed, I agreed. They are also the lucky children, as they don't have super strict and fierce adults to discipline them. They are given a lot of space to grow in their own ways. With patient talks & communications, and only occasional screaming from the mummy, they have grown up to be the gentle and sweet boys.

On this year's birthdays, luckily, hubby and me have decided NOT to throw a party this year, otherwise, I would have been DEAD BUSY.

Well, even for class celebrations and home celebrations, that would add up to 4 celebrations in half a month! From sourcing of goodies, self design and packaging to sourcing of 4 nice birthday cakes. Only mummy think is worth spending the time and effort.

Aron's birthday:

Asher's 5th birthday:

September School Holidays:
The first 3 days of holiday were normal school days - the school prepared special programmes. We left the last 4 days free. The boys had been asking to go Genting. Well, they had been there 3 times already. The adults are tired of that place. So, for a change, we went to Sunway Lagoon in KL. Its a convenient place for everyone. The hotel, theme park and a big shopping mall are just located next to each other. So no travelling is needed for the 4 days stay.

Baking Class:

I have taken up the cake baking class at the CC near my place since early Aug. There are 5 stages altogether, each stage has 8 lessons, and I am currently in stage 1.With the endless things I need to settle, I didn't have much time to try out many recipes at home, but still manage to try a few.

My latest project is the mooncake. I have been buying lots of mooncakes to give away to relatives every year. Since I had just attend the mooncake class, I decided to add some "personal" touch to my gifts this year. My mooncakes may not be as good as those professionally made by the chefs, but at least I think I can give myself 3 out of 5. Hope my relatives give some face, don't throw it into the bin without tasting it.

Some of my baking projects:

Hospital Seventh Month Experience

One week ago, on the night of Aron's 4th birthday, I got food poisoning. The lucky thing was the food that I had contracted with virus was not the Swenson birthday cake. Otherwise, I cannot imagine what would happen to the whole family. I took 4 days to recover.

On the day of my recovery, my mum started to feel unwell as she had a couple times of vomitting and diarrhoea. With her age and health condition, she seemed to be more serious. By that evening, we decided to play safe and send her to A&E.

At SGH, everyone in the A&E had to wear mask. You wouldn't know whether the person next to you had contracted H1N1. So, I bravely suggested hubby to return home first, while I would stay there and wait. From 8pm, I waited in the mask for 6 bloody hours! By 10pm, I felt cold and tired of sitting. I decided to go for a walk and get myself something hot to eat or drink. But I was told the canteen was already closed. The only place I could go was the Cheers at block 4. I just couldn't wait to get out of that cold place, so it didn't matter how far I had to walk.

The distant to Cheers wasn't that far, if you are walking in the day. But it seem extraodinary far when you are walking alone at night, especially on the 15th night of the seventh month. There were only 1 or 2 people walking pass occasionally. Other than that, you find yourself walking in the middle of nowhere. My heart seem to pump faster than usual. But I acted very relaxed, I didn't who I was showing my "braveness". I finally got myself a pack of cold and hard hotdog bread with a cup of hot milo. As I was reluctant to go back to A&E so soon, I tried to find myself a place to rest and eat. I stopped at a closed cafeteria at block 2, sat down at a table that seem to be the brightess spot and had my food there. Occasionally, there would be a few staff walking out from a lift or a door from a distant and walked towards the exit door. Most of them would give a stare at me. Good that they see me, I thought.

I quickly finished my food and returned to A&E and continue waiting. Finally, by 1.30am, I was told that mum had to be warded and I had to do the admission at the counter before I go. Since mum was in stable condition, I told her I would just settle the admission and go home straight after, without going up to the ward. She agreed fully.

When the admission was done, staff asked me to send the file up to the ward. What?!!! You mean I have to go to the ward? Yes! So, with much reluctance, I took the file and walked to the ward. I had to walked through a long passage way in the hospital, ALONE, at 1.30am, on the 15th night of the seventh month! By the time, I reach the lift lobby of block 5, I was all alone in a super quiet place. I walked into the lift with my heart pumping very fast and press the button on the highest floor. Luckily, the building is just 8 storey high.

When the lift reached the 8th floor, the door opened. Suddenly I heard a very loud "HOOOOOOOOONG" sound. My heart almost dropped. My leg couldn't shift a little. It took another few more seconds before I started to realise that the sound came from the aircon dat from the ceiling. I walked out at the fastest speed I could take and started to chant "Nam Mo Wo Mi Tuo Fuo" repeatedly in my heart. At the shortest time, I reach the room and saw my mum in bed with a few nurses attending to her. I couldn't felt so relieved by then.

After making sure that my mum had settled down comfortably, I walked back to the lift lobby and heard the same loud "Hong" sound again. This time, I was too tired to feel scared, I just couldn't be bothered anymore. So I took the lift alone again and went down. I was lucky that there was a one and only taxi waiting just outside.

By the time I reached home and lied in bed, I was still thinking about my horror experience.

Lovely Cakes

Aiyo...must introduce you to this blog with many lovely cakes. Children will fall in love with them. How I wish I could make one (by myself) for my boys. You will see cakes with Thomas Train, Ben 10, Mickey Mouse, Hello Kitty, etc, and also very sweet cupcakes.... They are all done by a wife of a friend of mine.

Check it out at http://www.pinkgingerbynee.blogspot.com/

Aron's Narrow Escape

I came across an article in the Straits Times today. It says " Boy slashed as glass door shatters at McDonald". This unlucky boy was supposed to celebrate his 6th Birthday at the McDonald that day. As he pushed the glass door open, it shattered. The boy got multiple cuts with the glass fragments. The hospital staff took 4 hours to clean his cuts and remove all the glass pieces from his body. He had cuts all over his arms, back and face, but his head was the most severely injured. Luckily, the boy is recovering well.

As I imagined the scene, I started to tremble a little. It reminded me of what happened to Aron on last Thursday.

On that evening, while Ah Mah was busy in the kitchen, my dear son, Aron, suddenly had a "genius" idea. He took the bamboo stick holder, without Ah Mah noticing, walked to the hall and started to "poked" at the old fashion clock hanging high above the wall. Without much guessing, yes - the clock fell. It fell right onto his forehead, bounced away and landed on the floor, about 2 metres away from him. The glass panel, in deed, shattered into small pieces.

Aron was left with a small cut on his forehead, with the rest of the body unhurt. He held on to the bamboo stick holder tightly, even after the shock and the pain sank in.

It could have been worse - much worse. The glass panel could have shattered into pieces from the impact of hitting on Aron's head. Without much explanation, you can imagine, the glass fragments cutting all over his head, face and body. Or maybe a slightly better scenerio, the clock fell right onto the floor, without bouncing off from Aron's head, and the glass probably would shattered right at his feet and cut his legs.

All these possibilities only sank into me much later after the incident happened. I could only explained that the Buddha must have protected and sheltered Aron away from the mishap. He probably wanted to teach Aron a lesson by just giving him a "light" punishment with the small cut on his head.

"Thank you, Buddha, that you have bo pi bo pi my dear son."

Valuing One's Words

I have begun to understand what it really mean by valuing one's words...

I realised I am a person who does not honour my own words, and yet I have been expecting others to honour their words. Honouring one's words would earn respect and power. In this case, I don't deserve any respect and support.


One particular incident actually shows how I have been operating in my life. One day, I in the midst of disciplining my children, I made a very serious statement - No more new toys for them until their birthdays come. Anyone who buys toys for them during this period, I will confiscate.

Yesterday, Daddy bought them toys, I didn't confiscate the toys. The excuse I gave to myself was: I don't want to create another dispute with him and the other family members. While I was upset that he didn't value my words, he gave me another incident that showed I didn't value his words too. What rights have I got to expect him to value mine?

For whatever excuses we gave for our stands, the fact is we have not been valuing each other words. For whatever reasons that I gave to myself, I have not honoured my words too. It must have happened so many times in the past, it will continue to happen again in future.

I am too quiet today, I am too ashame to say anything.

School Holiday - Again?

Finally the June holiday is over. The boys had gone back to school for 2 days. I thought life would be less tiring for me as I got some weekdays to rest.

After a month long of holiday, as I expected, Aron was reluctant to go to school. I have to sweet talk him into wearing his uniform and use "carrot" method to get him into the car.

Last night, after the 2n day of school, we got 2 calls from the school, the 2 teachers of the 2 boys called to inform us that school will be closed for 2 weeks, as a staff is infected with H1N1. While I tried to find out which zone does this "staff" belong to, I only manage to get the teacher to say its NOT from K1 or Nursery.

Then, late in the night, I got a call from a friend whose child also studied in the same school. She heard from someone that the person who got infected is Aron's teacher! She had travelled to Malaysia and was having slight cough on the 1st day of school.

While I understand why the teacher was trying to hide this fact (maybe they are trying not to make the parents too alarmed or panicked, or didn't want the parents to push the blame to any teacher), I am quite puzzled with the incident.

MOH had already announced that those who travelled to other countries during the last 7 days should quarantine themselves for 7 days before going back to school. If the teacher didn't feel well, she should not be coming to school at all. So why did this happened?

I didn't bother to call the school to find out exactly what happen. I trust the principal should know how to handle this. Now my main concern is to monitor my boys and make sure they are "perfectly" well.

But the extended school holiday is making me moody.

Club Med Bintan,11 - 14 Jun

Usually, school holiday is my working period. A month long of school holiday is a lot for me to plan, especially on planning for family holiday trips and holiday classes for the boys to attend.

This was a difficult June holiday, especially when the spread of swine flu is unpredictable. With the news reporting on the increasing infected numbers "flying" in, I finally decided not "fly", or travel to any places with high number of cases. In the end, we decided to go ClubMed Bintan.

Thinking that its a beach resort, and we will not be having much shopping to do, it would be a very laid back holiday. Especially, if the boys are alright to be put into the children clubs within the resort, Hubby and me would have some "personal" time together.

Well things didn't really turn out to be what I was hoping. MIL was still keen to go with us, despite of me telling her that there wasn't much things for her to do and see there. Well, not that I mind about the in-laws tacking along. If only, we are going to cities with lots of shopping, I know she would enjoy more (she had made it clear that she is only interested in shopping and not sight-seeing). I just felt that she would not be "maximising" the value of money we spent. I was also hoping that we could try going on a trip, just with the 4 of us, so that we could test out if both me and hubby could handle the boys without the in-laws. Skimmingly, I suggested that she could go somewhere else with her friends or relatives during the same period, so that she could also relax and enjoy herself.

With the Grand-parents tacking along, the boys usually behave much "yang-ou", cos they know how to get over the grannies heads. The half day trial putting both the boys in the Petit Club had scared them off their butt. First, the daddy brought them to the club and left quietly without telling them when we would be back to pick them. The boys must have felt so betrayed and insecured, that Aron was too frightened to go back there the next day. Second, with the grannies around, the boys knew they have a "safe habour" to hide. Plus MIL's multiple "throwing" of negative comments, the whole family just follow the same direction and thoughts - stop sending the boys to the Petit club. So, the boys continued to stay in the "safe habour" for the rest of the stay there.

Despite of the unsuccessful attempt to let the boys to go independent and adventurous, we did have our pleasant stay in the resort. The young, energetic and outgoing GOs (the resort guest relation officers) gave us a very warm welcome at the lobby upon arrival. I personally enjoyed all the meals provided by the resort, as they changes the theme and dishes everyday, every meal. If I were to stay there for a week , I probably would put on at least 5kg. You will see the GOs casually sit down next to the guests and chat with them. For us, we had a Korean GO approached us during 1 of the meal. There is also a bar where you can drink till you drop, along with some light snacks available in-between meals, and they are all FOC.

Though we didn't join much of the activities, MIL and me did enjoy the yoga session every morning. As I have some "balancing" problem, I was being teased by her that I am so lousy, despite of having attended few months of yoga class at the CC. She felt she could perform better, even though she had never attended any classes. She attended all the 3 mornings classes, while I joined the rest to go to the beach on the 3rd morning.

I have my very short romantic time (about 5 mins) with hubby, when he left the boys with FIL at the beach, held my hands and brought me out to the sea (a short distant away from the beach) to look at a big bunch of marine fish swimming around us. That was the sweetest moment in the whole trip. It was really short, no romantic words exchanged, but the action enough to melt my heart. That 5 minuites could give me a very good memory for my life with this man. The boys also have a very good time playing sand castle at the beach and swimming in the pool. Our greatest achievement here is that the boys had finally got over the phobia of the waves.

I m particularly impressed by the GOs' talent. Not only did they welcome and send off all the guests, organise the various activities in the day, engage in a warm conversation with the guests during meal time, they also need to perform at night. We watched different entertainments every nights, from dance to fashion show to musical performance and even acrobatics.

The resort has given a very lively, warm atmosphere which I have not experience in any other places. It is filled with many fun activities that you will not feel bored even if you stay there for a week without leaving the place. Otherwise, doing nothing and just lazing at the beautiful beach front would also be worthy enough. However, we didn't engage ourselves in many activities, nor did we laze at the beach. Everyone's focus is always on the boys. Perhaps, we will all enjoy more when the boys are more independent, adventurous and courageous to engage themselves in the activities. Till then, Daddy and Mummy will be able to hold hands and walk out to the sea the watch the fish again, perhaps also get the chance to go for spa or snorkelling. Mummy can also try out some adventure like the trapeze or the archery.

As for the photos, you got to wait for my Hubby to upload them to his shutterfly blog.

Aron's Head Injury

Yesterday, I had a very good time in the afternoon. By the time I got home, it was 6.15pm. I was running a little late to go over to MIL house (usually, I will b there about 6pm). At 6.30pm, the phone rang. Aron injured! How bad, I had no idea. I could only hear Aron's crying over the phone.

When reach the void deck of MIL's block, I met FIL carrying a bag of ginger, walking to the lift. I asked him if Aron was bleeding. The family's traditional way of stopping bleeding - press a slice of ginger on the wound!

By the time I got to the house, Aron had already been crying for a long time, and was still crying non-stop. The heartache mummy grabbed him over and hugged him so tightly. I was told Aron was bleeding badly, until his shirt got a big patch of blood stain with 2 small towels filled with blood too. They were about to get ready the ginger, while I told them to let me check the wound first.

The wound was at the back of the head with the hair covered up, so I had to gently brushed away the hair to find the wound. Yes, I found it, it looked bloody, and was about 2 cm long, but not a deep cut. The hair around the wound was sticky, due to the bleeding, and it really smell bloody too.

I asked for a new towel so as to pad on the wound to check if the bleeding had stopped. Thank God, yes, it had finally stopped. Still, the in-laws thought of putting the ginger to make sure the it wouldn't bleed again. I really couldn't bare to see my son take that kind of unnecessary pain. It would be another big traumatic pain for him. Since the bleeding had stopped, I told them there was no need to use the ginger, if the swell and the wound looked really bad, I can bring him to the doctor.

Then I finally asked how he was injured. Both the boys, after their dinner, was playing in the bedroom. While Aron tried to crawled under one of the mattress which was placed on a bed, I guessed Asher was trying to catch him. Too eager to escaped, Aron knocked into the pillar wall from the back. At that moment, MIL was having shower, while the maid was doing nothing but had no initiative to look after the boys. When Aron was crying in pain, the maid still take no initiative to carry him or check on him. Even when she realised that Aron was bleeding, she still had no brain and mouth to call for Ah Mah to tell her that Aron was bleeding. I wonder if my son fainted, will she have any response, I doubt...

The frustrated MIL sure had given the maid a good lecture, but the maid just gave no expression. My conclusion is she just don't use her brain at all. But having the phobia of changing maid, I have to leave with it.

As for Aron, after a good cry, pampered with candies, carried around by FIL, he was back to his normal cute and cheerful self, playing with his favourite Thomas Train and running and jumping all over. He also recited a Chinese rythme which he learnt from school, with actions that made everyone laughed...

Upset Mummy

Aron has been shouting and yelling at the top of his voice whenever he couldn't get what he want. It has happened couple of times lately.

Just this morning, after he woke up, I asked him if he wanted to pass urine, he didn't reply and continue to lie in bed. I repeated the question a few more times, and he didn't respond. So I walked in to the bath room and pee. Halfway through, I heard his voice shouting outside:" I want to be number 1, I want to be number 1, I want to be number 1." When I finally finished my business, and opened the door, he yelled so loud and so angrily. Then he stamped his feet many times and cried.

It wasn't the first time he behaved this way. I stared at him with my eyes opened to the biggest possible that my eyeballs almost dropping out. Still he continued to yell. At the top of my heat, I told him to go and find another Mummy, as I don't want to be his Mummy any more, cos I don't want naughty boy who doesn't listen to me. At 1 point of time, I raised my arm and almost going to drop it hard on his face. The Daddy just sat on the bed and kept quiet.

I told Aron that he shall follow Ah Mah to her house and stay there and don't come back. I kept asking him to go and look for Ah Mah or go find another Mummy. While my mum just give a commend to MIL that Aron has a strong character (by nature), I shot back by saying it was because he was being pampered.

Finally, after sending the boys off to school, I had breakfast with the Daddy at the hawker centre. After making sure that I had cooled down, Daddy spoke to me calmly, saying that I should avoid bring the grandmas into the picture and I shouldn't push the children to them. MIL have been looking after the boys and yet I still make use of her when I am disciplining the boys.

I do agree that I have overlooked the issue on the grandmas' feelings, and I shouldn't drag them in. But when I am overflowing with anger, I do have the tendency to spike those people who do not stand in line with me or against my way of handling the issues. I want to challenge them and see how effective are their ways of handling as compared to me. At the end of the day, I want to see results - if the boys learn their lessons.

I told Daddy if he has a better way, by all means, just tell me to let him handle the situation, I would be glad to let step aside and let him take over. It wouldn't be so stressful for me. He agreed.

He said he just HOPE that whenever he come back home, everybody is happy. I can't guranttee that I can create happiness in the family every moment. So, if I have created unhappiness at some point of time, I also HOPE he can take over the mess and start to create happiness from there.

At the moment, whoever has an effective way to handle and control Aron's tantrum, I would beg him to take over and I would be most humble to learn from him. If there is no one who can handle this effectively, I have no choice, but to use the way I believe it works best.

My Projects

Have been so busy lately. Busy with what? Well, busy with the children school projects, busy with searching for the school holiday programmes, busy with doing research on the business opportunities...

Just completed my children projects. Wonder if they are their projects or MY projects, since I am the one doing more job than them. First Asher's class was being assigned to do a project using wood material. I am really not a wood or technical person. If only Asher is in the other class which was assigned to decorate paper bags, I would be most happy to take on the job. So I threw this technical job to the man of the house. But he too could not come out with a fantastic idea. After waiting so many days for him to come out with an impressive plan, I began to run out of patience. One night, while I was sleeping with my subconscious mind still working, a picture just came into my eyes. So, I decided to go ahead and work on it. With the help of the Grandpa's technical skill, Ta da...

After submitting the project to the teacher, one morning, Aron's teacher came up to me and ask me to work with Aron on another project about Different Part of My House. I only have 1 week to work on it. So, in less than a week's time, I "give birth" to another "baby", Ta da...

While the boys are very proud to present their projects to the teachers and friends, Daddy is not very satisfied with the productions, because they are too beautiful to represent our son's "true" and "genuine" capability. If that is the case, I think I should leave the job to Daddy to handle next time.

Then, I have to start planning and searching for some school holiday programmes and trips, so as to maximise and utilise the time fruitfully. Well, now my only resources is from the internet, since I hardly got the chance to socialise outside and get info from the other mummies in school. The school have been restricting parents from entering ever since the H1N1 scarce. Facing the PC is definitely more tiring than talking to the mummies. It is to the extend that I suspect my eyesight is deteriorating due to long hours on the net. Plus, it is also quite brain draining to consider so many factors, such as the costs, the timing to match all the programmes, the locations, holidays which and meet the whole family's needs, etc. With only 1 & half weeks away from the holiday, I am still working hard on it.

Turning Point

3 days after my 36th birthday, my hubby dropped a "bomb" to me - he was told by his boss that the company is going to close down his division and asked him to be prepared "for the worst". In fact, he knew this about a week earlier, but kept it to himself till after my birthday. The reason is very obvious. That also explained why he couldn't sleep well for that couple of nights. He was doing a lot of calculations, to check how long we could survive with our savings, and making plans on his future career path.

At that moment, besides feeling shocked, I was more worried about how hubby is taking it mentally. Well, men usually like to hide their feelings - the utterly stupid man's ego thing! Always trying to act cool and brave. By the time hubby told me about the news, he had already gotten over the shock, fear & depression all by himself.

After gotten over the shock myself, I suddenly felt that it is not a bad thing for things to happen this way. After all, hubby has been working non-stop for so many years. He dares not think of taking a break for a short while or switch job, as he think no other job can give him a better package. He dare not complain about his endless traveling. He has become so "mechanical", that I could feel he has lost his passion for his job. The tireness is shown all over his face. He is carrying the entire family's burden on him, so he cannot stop working.

Well, maybe God has decided to give him a chance to take a break and re-look his life, as well as to let our family face some challenges. He has always chosen to stay in the "comfort zone", reluctant to make any changes. He is not the ambitious guy who will dream big or challenge to win. He will choose to be contented with whatever he has and not see at things that he doesn't have. I think God probably can see how much bigger is his real power, potential and capability, than what he can see in himself. It is a chance for him to bring out his hidden full power.

Over a couple of nights, we discussed and threw many ideas on the possible ways we could do for survival. I offered to go out to work. After being tai-tai for 4 years, its time I start doing something. Hubby suggested about setting up business. In fact, we had ever talked about doing things in relation to children education before. As parents, we understand that no matter how bad the economy is, parents will never give up or save on children education. We also want to take on a business that is stable over a long period of time. We started to do some research and make some calculations on setting up a tuition agency or Chinese enrichment centre.

I began to be very excited. Suddenly, I felt my worth and see my role in a clearer picture. I had been feeling very useless and small for the past few years. Now, I will be able to give hubby my full support by running the business together. I am prepared to get very busy, and to take the challenge. Together with him, I will be powered up to face any difficult moments, for I know, we will give each other the encouragement and drive that will push us to overcome any barriers. Even though we have no prior experience, knowledge or resources, but I believe our will power will see us through. I am ready to "do or die" together with him.

As for the family, I know they will all be behind us. When MIL knew that hubby is losing his job, she immediately offer to rent and sell away her flat. She said no matter what, she will make sure the 2 boys are well taken care of. I was very touched and thankful for her offer, but at the moment we do not need to go to this extend. I know they are all ready for the tough time. In fact, I don't even mind to have my children to go through some hardship. Maybe that is a way to make them learn to be more appreciative for things they have.

Few weeks later, hubby drop me another news. His ex-boss of 14 years is pulling him over to his division. That means he has to choose between taking up the transfer or taking the retrenchment package of 15 years and leave the company. Obviously, being the non-risk taker, he chose to take up the transfer option. He told me to go ahead to set up the business while he continue to work in his current job. If the business do well, he can quit and join me, if the business go bust, at least he still have his job.

While I understand his concern, my drive goes down by half. Setting up business alone? I am not sure if I have enough energy and motivation to do it - all by myself. If I am so confident, I would have done it few years back. It is the "togetherness" that will really power me up. But now? How much can hubby support me when he has to travel so much and drained out by his job. How much would he put his heart and soul into the business while he has to worry about his sales numbers and deadlines at work?

For now, I have to take things slowly again. Maybe my drive will eventually dies. Or maybe we have to wait for the next crisis, turning point or cross-road to come again.

Lift Accident

Yesterday was a no-school day for the 2 boys. After they woke up in the morning, MIL, the boys & me prepared to go to market for breakfast.

As usual, I was the last to get out of the house. While I was struggling to lock the main gate, the lift door opened. The lift is just 10 steps away from my door step. Aron, being closest to the lift just walked in, taking for granted that everyone else will follow right behind him. In actual fact, Asher turned back to check if we were ready, MIL was about 5 steps away, and me still struggling with the stupid lock at my door.

All of a sudden, the lift door started to close, with only Aron inside. MIL, in the panic, ran to the lift, but only use her finger to press on the lift buttons. The door didn't get to open again. From the glass window of the lift, we could see the lift started to move upwards. Asher burst into tears and cried hysterically, while MIL keep repeating "Chaam loh, chaam loh, chaam loh, Aron sure will be frightened to death", and continuously pressing on the up and down buttons. At that moment, my eyes were glued to the number screen, trying to see which floor the lift was moving to. While I looked calm enough on the surface, my mind was actually flashing with many scenerios. There were 21 storeys in my block. What if the lift went up to the top and stopped there? What if the lift came down again to my floor, but Aron wasn't inside. The number on the screen keep going up - from 9 to 10 to 11 to 12. Finally, the number stopped changing. For that few seconds, when the number remained at 12, I was praying that Aron would just stay in the lift, and someone would walk in and give him some comfort. For a moment, I could hear Aron's crying from a distant, but just felt helpless.

As the number started changing again, from 12 to 11 to 10 and finally to 9, the lift stopped. The door opened this time, with my poor traumatised Aron crying sympathetically at one corner. I felt so relieved. As we walked into the lift, I saw a familiar face smiling to me, it was the ka lang guni man whom I greeted very often. He is a friendly man who lives on the 12th storey. I have asked my boys to say hello to him a couple of times. In front of him, was a trolley half loaded with things. He said he recognised Aron. Usually, when he met us on the 1st storey with full load of things, he will not enter the lift, he will humbly said he can wait for the next lift. While the 2 boys still crying noisily, I repeated "thank you" to him a few times.

Well, I knew this incident is going to happen at some point of time. There were a few times when the boys rushed into the lift without waiting for the adults. Everytime, when such "danger" happened, I managed to put my bare arms in-between the doors, or I would stepped in-between and used my entire body to stop the doors from closing. I don't trust the lift buttons during those emergencies. I had warned the boys a couple of times that they have to wait for the adults to go into the lift together. I had also told them what to do in-case such "accident" happen, that they should take the lift either to 9th floor or 1st floor and wait. But children usually won't take the advice even if you have mentioned it a thousand times. So, maybe it is good to let them learn the lesson through hard ways.

As the boys cooled down, I started to ask Asher why he was crying so badly when he wasn't even "trapped" in the lift. He replied that he was afraid that Aron will go missing and he will lose Aron. Then I said, if that is the case, he will not have to share his toys with anyone and will not need to fight with anyone, wouldn't that be nice. He shooked his head and said he loves Aron. My heart melted. I turned to Aron and told him how much Kor Kor had cried for him and how much Kor Kor loves him, and I asked him to go and give Kor Kor a hug. He did what I said. Then they both laughed.

Asher's Visit to Dentist

In my childhood days, it really didn't bother me if I have nice set of teeth. The adults told me that I only need to start taking care when I have my adult teeth. I can't remember when I actually started brushing my teeth. I only remember even to the age of 7 to 8, I sometimes skipped brushing teeth in the toilet. When no one is watching, I just gargled a few times, then I lied to the whole world that I had done my job. However, my teeth became more and more yellowish as I grew older. Some of my milk teeth eventually dropped by themselves while others became shaky. My mum wanted to pull them off while I refused and struggled. Some of the milk teeth were too stubborn to come off even with my mum's hand pulling, and that was the time I was brought to the dentist. Of course, the dentist knew all my dirty secrets, from the look at my multiple-badly-decayed teeth.

My adult teeth didn't grew impressively well and neat. I ended up having a pair of "dracula" teeth during my teenage days, which made me very shy to show off with big smile. At the age of 19, with mum's consent and dad's sponsorship, I did the crowning. From then, I began to smile and laugh without covering my mouth.

Now that Asher is 4 years old. I started to realise he is following my footstep. Since birth till now, he didn't have a proper brushing habit either. MIL only use towel to casually clean his teeth during shower, and that is all. To make it worse, the grand-parents will pamper the boys with gummies everyday. Well, the old belief: milk teeth will soon drop off, children will eventually know how to take care of their teeth when they are older.

I realise that Asher's teeth had turned yellowish (just liked childhood days) and suggested to bring him to dentist. But I only recieved cold water from the rest of the family. "He is too young, and he may be frightened by the experience", "So serious meh, its only milk teeth and they are going to drop off soon", "Dentist just want to make $, of course they will say its better to let the children start going to dentist early". Then I started asking myself: am I really so Kiasu or Kiasee, that I am doing things unnecessarily.

Its was a conversation with a relative that I made up my mind I must take Asher to dentist. "Next time when Asher grow up and has ugly teeth, he will start to blame mummy for not helping him to take good care of his teeth."

Before I sent Asher to the dentist, I did some homework: made some enquiries with the clinic, the dentist and the nurse, such as whether the clinic has very young patients , which dentist are better with handling young children, how do they calm and comfort the nervous children, how is the procedure of cleaning children's teeth like, etc.

After much assurance, I finally got Asher mentally prepared and brought him to the dentist. On the first visit, the dentist introduced some equipment to him and just did some cleansing and polishing. I could tell Asher was very scared and nervous when I held his cold hands and trembling legs. But I am proud that he didn't shed a tear. However, the dentist told me that he had 8 cavities which need to be mended. I was also told that gummies are worse than hard candies as they are more sticky. That was a shock to me - so many decays! If no actions taken or with no proper care, the holes will get bigger and deeper. In the worse situation, the teeth will have to be removed before the adult teeth are ready to grow out, which eventually will affect the growth of the adult teeth. Just imagine, a handsome face with ugly teeth...

The dentist understand the short attention span of children and suggested to fix 2 teeth for every subsequent visit. He made a balloon with a rubber hand glove and gave it to Asher. Mummy also bought the spiderman toothbrush to encourage him to brush his teeth more often.

On the 2nd visit, the dentist asked Asher how many teeth he would like to fill up that day. Without prior experience, Ahser innocently said he wanted to fix all 8. During the procedure, I could see Asher clenching his fist and a drop of tear dripped down from the side of his cheek, but he stayed quiet and unmoved. Again I felt so proud of him, for his endurance and courage. I rewarded him by buying him mini ice-cream, but also reminded him not to take too many sweets. The grandparents had also become more co-operative by giving less gummies. Thank you.

The visits were scheduled every 7 to 10 days. By the 4th visit, Asher had shown some sign of phobia. I asked the dentist if the last 2 cavities were in "critical" condition, otherwise I would prefer to take a break and go back to him in 3-6 months time. Well, the answer is if we could clean the teeth well, there should not be a problem.

So for now, I have children toothpaste of 3 different flavours displayed at the basin. Hopefully, this can make it more fun for them to be motivated to brush their teeth.

Aron, I shall wait till he is 4. But I doubt he will be as calm as his brother when he visit the dentist. I will expect some drama to happen. Let's see...

My Birthday Celebrations

Time seems to fly faster & faster as you grow older each year. Probably, when half of your life time has passed, you will become more reluctant to celebrate your birthday. Then somewhere, a very tiny little part of you still hope to get surprises.

Based on past years' experience, I would usually have 3 parts of celebrations. Part 1 - with my "Lover", AC. Usually, we will spend an afternoon together, have a good meal in some nice restaurant and have an endless chat, with a sweet surprise gift from her. But this year, she has to post celebrate it with me, due to her confinement. Part 2 - with my entire family. As usual, surrounded by my sons, hubby, mum & in-laws, there will be a cake (yes, the green pandan kaya cake from Bengawan Solo again, its our family tradition), which my 2 lovely boys would be too eager to blow off the candles for me, before I could even make a wish. Also, the hearty birthday songs which they will never get tired of singing, plus the priceless hugs and kisses that I never get enough from them. There is a bonus gift from Asher this year. He drew a cake on a piece of paper, without any candles, wordings or decorations. But to mummy, its good enough. As for Aron, he did something sweet too, feed the mummy with his cake.

Part 3 - private celebration with hubby. For the past couple of years, being an IT guy, hubby probably felt most comfortable getting some IT gadgets as gifts to pamper me. But this year, I don't feel like receiving such expensive gifts and I don't see the need of those stuff, I hoped to have something different, which can be cheap and fun. Leaving just this much of suggestion for him to work on could be pretty stressful for him. In order to avoid disappointment for myself, I decided to plan for my own celebration. I thought of some crazy things I wanted to do with him and I gave him the instructions to follow, that was 3 weeks before my birthday. Despite giving him instructions, I still doubted that he is comfortable in taking actions.

Couple of nights before my birthday, I saw hubby keep surfing the net from his iPhone in the middle of the night. He seemed to have trouble sleeping. "Was my request that stressful? Or was he worried about his job (since economy is so bad now)? Maybe its menopause..." I wondered.

On the day of our private celebration, he acted as if he didn't have any plan. Well I wasn't disappointed at all, cos I already told myself he just simply has too much (decent) man's ego to do it. Somehow, we ended up having dim sum lunch at Wah Lok Restaurant at Carlton Hotel, which I had told him (a few times) the food there was pretty good. While I was thinking of just going shopping with him after that, he took me to a place that we had never been. Yes, that was my request, he took me to a budget hotel. And as per my request again, he presented a fun toy to me. The whole experience was quite fun, and we had a good laugh, as we felt so awkward there. Well, he also did something extra, that I had not requested for it - booked a massage session at Aramsa. So, as we ran out of time, we had to rush off from the hotel to get to Bishan in time for our massage.

In fact, this was one of my most enjoyable time with hubby, to be able to spend some private time with him freely. If we could just spend a few hours of happy time together, just once in a while, I will be contented.

Thank you, hubby, for taking the effort to take leave, do internet research on your sleepless nights and doing crazy things for me. Love You Forever.

Arrival of My 2nd Godson

29 Mar 2009, its the day of the arrival of my 2nd Godson, Alice's 2nd boy...

Baby was born at 3.685 kg & 52 cm long!

Both mummy and baby are doing well. Baby hasn't have a name yet.

This baby is so beautiful. Its been a long time I had carried a new born... I missed that feeling, that whenever I carry him, I feel so reluctant to put him down.

Somehow, I felt so strongly for him. Maybe because he had the same zodiac (Ox) and same horoscope (Aries) as me.